Thursday, November 26, 2009
This afternoon as we were getting ready for a family Thanksgiving dinner, I was thinking about the family I would see that I hadn't seen in quite a while. I was trying to find a nice outfit, something slimming of course! Everyone knows when you are seeing someone you don't always see you want to look stunning! Then I began thinking about how I would now be showing signs of pregnancy had I not had a miscarriage the end of September. I was thinking about how I knew it was a girl, I just had that gut wrenching feeling it was. She would have curly red hair, and green eyes. She would be born sometime in May. My thoughts were running wild about what this child should have been. However, I KNOW God had a bigger plan! It sometimes never makes sense to the carnal eye yet he knows! He could have been shielding us from a host of medical issues, or perhaps mentally I wasn't ready for child #2 yet. I don't know the reason, but God does. I just didn't expect these feelings to creep upon me on this day. You have to understand that the day of my miscarriage and the day after, I was a complete and total mess. I didn't know those two days if I could live to see tomorrow I was that heart broken. I felt as though my life had been turned upside down. I know I had only known for a few weeks that I was even pregnant. Even then, I was already attached to that life growing inside of me. That third morning I woke up and had the calmest, sweetest, comforting peace I've ever even known. There was a pep in my step and a smile on my face. I knew I had a handsome little boy that I needed to keep going for. I decided I could not dwell on the tragedy that took place. From that day on, sure I think about what would've, could've, should've been but I chose to move on and live my life. That's why today totally took me by surprise. I just didn't expect the flood of emotions and the sadness I would feel. We should never question God, so I'm not going to. I just have to know that He is in control and his perfect will be done!!!!!! :0)
Monday, November 23, 2009
What a morning!!! I was trying to help the furnace guy out and try and keep the kids (Elijah and Hudson, Elijah's cousin) upstairs and out of the way. I decided we'd go play in Elijah's room for a while. They were getting along so well that I decided I'd sneak into the office and get my daily, hourly....okay minute by minute fix of facebook. I kept hearing noise but I just assumed it was Doug, the furnace guy. Nope! I hear Elijah yell, "it's okay mommy, we're fine!" Of course this presented much concern so I darted in there and found Elijah in his little chair with a fish net in one hand and the fish food in the other. He was drenched head to toe, mildly exaggerated. He had managed to lift the lid to the fish tank and decided he'd be a big helper and feed Tuck, Ming Ming, and Linney II (he is Linney the II b/c little Linney the first was too little to hold his own so he was eaten....so we thought). Yesterday we went and purchased a much bigger Linney II. Well....as Elijah was feeding the fish or shall I say forcing them to be gluttons by the amount of food that was floating in the tank, he was stirring the tank with the fish net...you know just like when we make pancakes so he said! He had stirred so hard that the suctioned plants were floating and up pops Linney the first! Apparently he had buried himself under the rocks and was rescued during the mixing of the pancake batter!!!! Needless to say, the kids went straight to bed, although I am not convinced Hudson really played a part in the scheme, and perhaps I should have been in there with them. Oh well, the truth is out. I'm a terrible mother! Shew!!!!!!!!! The joys of motherhood! However, I would not trade it for the world. It's just one of those moments that God is paying us back for all the mischief we did as children!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
I need to be curled up in my warm bed right now but I just gotta blog! I got so much on my mind. So many answers I need answered. God spoke to me about 7 years ago. He spoke complete and total truth to my life. Each of the full gospel churches in the Scott County area gathered for a revival service. Bob Rogers spoke at this particular meeting. As he got up to speak he stopped dead in his tracks, turned and pointed me out of the crowd and read my mail. He told me all the dreams and concerns I had just shared with my aunt the night before. He told me I was gonna marry a preacher. He told me I would have favor over my life. I would never be poor as long as I am serving the Lord. People would just plain like me (in his exact words), I would write songs and play instruments I never knew I would play before, the list went on and on. I knew way before that moment I was going to marry Jeremy Williams, however we were merely friends. There was never any discussion of dating, let alone marriage. But I knew...! A few months later, God revealed to Jeremy that he would be a preacher/teacher. That was a little of my confirmation. We dated, got engaged, then were married just a couple of years later. I began writing songs as I would "journal" my prayers. Side bar-I love to journal my prayers. I tend to get "churchy" when I speak my prayers if that makes sense. Therefore, I found that writing them down became more genuine and heartfelt rather than just a Dear Heavenly mighty maker of heaven and earth kind of prayer I often tried to do when speaking them. I also found that I can look back and see the prayers that were answered! Okay end of side bar! I started having favor in my job, where I was once "picked" on for being young and dumb to the work world. God started providing for Jeremy and I as we made the decision for me to be a stay at home mom. We were so far in debt that we thought we would lose everything. Somehow, God provided! I started banging around on the piano and actually taught myself a few things. Little by little these things were actually happening. Jeremy pursued his ministerial license. He was on the way to being ordained. We entered the Ministerial Internship Program that the Church of God offers. This led us to intern at Liberty Worship Center in Lexington. I joined the praise team, we slowly eased into being co-children's pastor's, then we became the Young Adult pastor's. Jeremy was teaching a membership class. Occasionally he would preach for Pastor Cooper and for Pastor Turner. Everything seemed to be falling into place until one particular Sunday morning. It was a normal Sunday morning. Jeremy left before Elijah and I because he needed to prepare for his membership class. He taught his class, Elijah and I showed up and we sat down to prepare for worship as usual. Elijah started squirming and fussing so I took him into the nursery so he could play. We were only there a short time, but boy did we miss a lot! We walked intp the atomospher of pure worship and people crying and wailing in the spirit. There was such a prescense there. I sit in my seat and Jeremy leans over to me and says "come on we're leaving!" Of course, I was in complete shock and completely confused. He said, "just come on I will tell you in the parking lot". I thought something terrible had happened, someone had made Jeremy mad or uncomfortable, i didn't have the slightest clue of what was taking place. He said "we have to leave!" I said "okay where are we going?" Jeremy-"leave the church for good" me-"my crazy husband say what???" then he proceeded to tell me what happened while I was tending to Elijah in the nursery. A woman stood up and gave a message in tongues. The interpretation was the exact confirmation Jeremy needed on something he was feeling earlier that morning as he was preparing for his class. He was feeling as though our season was up. Not only at Liberty but the entire Church of God denomination.God urged him earlier that morning that if he was serious about giving all or nothing then he would walk out the doors and never look back. Jeremy bartered with God and explained to him that he couldn't just leave people were waiting for him. We had too many jobs and positions. We can't just up and leave without atleast telling someone. There was no particular reason, no person did anything to offend us or no one "kicked" us out. Our season was just up. Perhaps it was because we had totally over extended ourselves searching for that "perfect" place in ministry laid out just for us. Perhaps we were caught up in the game of politics. Whatever the reason, we don't know but God wanted us elsewhere! We met with the pastor, explained what had happened. We continued our duties until the end of the month and then we left. We left with absolutely no agenda, no instructions, nothing. Just into the wild blue yonder! We thought surely we took this HUGE step of faith. God will open up the gates of heaven and place golden crowns on our heads and lead us straight to the mountaintop. WRONG!!!!!!! That was that. We did what He told us to do, then he left the rest up to us. So here we stand, no where to go, and nothing to go on! We felt the strongest, yet the weakest ever in our christian lives. We attended a church in Florence because we loved the atmosphere, God spoke to us nearly each time we entered the building. The drive just did not make sense. So we just ventured out and decided to try Grace here in Georgetown. We knew very little about it, but wanted to give it a try. We loved it! That's where we are now, but still we feel like we are walking around in circles still trying to find the purpose God placed in us. We don't feel "settled" or "grounded" yet. We are so skeptical about taking "positions' in ministry b/c we've been there and done that. Yet something is sooooo missing! What is that missing piece? I know all of the ministries and license and so on and so on were not in vain at all, but why God? What's the purpose? Just to see if we'd give it all up just like that? So here I sit, beating my head against the wall once again like many times before during this past year. Trying to find the purpose for my life. So Lord, now I stand here completely wide open to what you have for me. Change my desires, to your desires. Make me in your image, change me from the inside out and just let me be a tool for your works! So I have rambled and rambled and I could continue in this rambling. But it's 5:30 AM! I have church this morning and the plan is to go to early church.....YEAH RIGHT! Whatever God, I'm there!!!!!!!!!! :0)
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Okay, so I am sooo in need of losing some weight really bad! I had a miscarriage last month and we decided to wait until after the first of the year to try again. So the plan WAS that from after recovering emotionally and physically from the miscarriage, that I was going to start back on P90xing. Well, if you know me...you know I rarely finish anything I start! Finally I am starting back strong. Well, maybe not so strong! I'm only on day 5! So I need some motivation. Please motivate me. I want to be healthy, happy, and look good for my hubby who strives so hard to stay fit. I've totally let myself go since having Elijah THREE years ago! I weigh now what I weighed 9 months preggo...time to step it up. So I'm begging.....HELP me, pray for me, yell at me, bribe me....ANYTHING to make me stick with it! That reminds me...I've yet to do my workout today, so better run....!