Sunday, November 22, 2009
I really should be in bed!
I need to be curled up in my warm bed right now but I just gotta blog! I got so much on my mind. So many answers I need answered. God spoke to me about 7 years ago. He spoke complete and total truth to my life. Each of the full gospel churches in the Scott County area gathered for a revival service. Bob Rogers spoke at this particular meeting. As he got up to speak he stopped dead in his tracks, turned and pointed me out of the crowd and read my mail. He told me all the dreams and concerns I had just shared with my aunt the night before. He told me I was gonna marry a preacher. He told me I would have favor over my life. I would never be poor as long as I am serving the Lord. People would just plain like me (in his exact words), I would write songs and play instruments I never knew I would play before, the list went on and on. I knew way before that moment I was going to marry Jeremy Williams, however we were merely friends. There was never any discussion of dating, let alone marriage. But I knew...! A few months later, God revealed to Jeremy that he would be a preacher/teacher. That was a little of my confirmation. We dated, got engaged, then were married just a couple of years later. I began writing songs as I would "journal" my prayers. Side bar-I love to journal my prayers. I tend to get "churchy" when I speak my prayers if that makes sense. Therefore, I found that writing them down became more genuine and heartfelt rather than just a Dear Heavenly mighty maker of heaven and earth kind of prayer I often tried to do when speaking them. I also found that I can look back and see the prayers that were answered! Okay end of side bar! I started having favor in my job, where I was once "picked" on for being young and dumb to the work world. God started providing for Jeremy and I as we made the decision for me to be a stay at home mom. We were so far in debt that we thought we would lose everything. Somehow, God provided! I started banging around on the piano and actually taught myself a few things. Little by little these things were actually happening. Jeremy pursued his ministerial license. He was on the way to being ordained. We entered the Ministerial Internship Program that the Church of God offers. This led us to intern at Liberty Worship Center in Lexington. I joined the praise team, we slowly eased into being co-children's pastor's, then we became the Young Adult pastor's. Jeremy was teaching a membership class. Occasionally he would preach for Pastor Cooper and for Pastor Turner. Everything seemed to be falling into place until one particular Sunday morning. It was a normal Sunday morning. Jeremy left before Elijah and I because he needed to prepare for his membership class. He taught his class, Elijah and I showed up and we sat down to prepare for worship as usual. Elijah started squirming and fussing so I took him into the nursery so he could play. We were only there a short time, but boy did we miss a lot! We walked intp the atomospher of pure worship and people crying and wailing in the spirit. There was such a prescense there. I sit in my seat and Jeremy leans over to me and says "come on we're leaving!" Of course, I was in complete shock and completely confused. He said, "just come on I will tell you in the parking lot". I thought something terrible had happened, someone had made Jeremy mad or uncomfortable, i didn't have the slightest clue of what was taking place. He said "we have to leave!" I said "okay where are we going?" Jeremy-"leave the church for good" me-"my crazy husband say what???" then he proceeded to tell me what happened while I was tending to Elijah in the nursery. A woman stood up and gave a message in tongues. The interpretation was the exact confirmation Jeremy needed on something he was feeling earlier that morning as he was preparing for his class. He was feeling as though our season was up. Not only at Liberty but the entire Church of God denomination.God urged him earlier that morning that if he was serious about giving all or nothing then he would walk out the doors and never look back. Jeremy bartered with God and explained to him that he couldn't just leave people were waiting for him. We had too many jobs and positions. We can't just up and leave without atleast telling someone. There was no particular reason, no person did anything to offend us or no one "kicked" us out. Our season was just up. Perhaps it was because we had totally over extended ourselves searching for that "perfect" place in ministry laid out just for us. Perhaps we were caught up in the game of politics. Whatever the reason, we don't know but God wanted us elsewhere! We met with the pastor, explained what had happened. We continued our duties until the end of the month and then we left. We left with absolutely no agenda, no instructions, nothing. Just into the wild blue yonder! We thought surely we took this HUGE step of faith. God will open up the gates of heaven and place golden crowns on our heads and lead us straight to the mountaintop. WRONG!!!!!!! That was that. We did what He told us to do, then he left the rest up to us. So here we stand, no where to go, and nothing to go on! We felt the strongest, yet the weakest ever in our christian lives. We attended a church in Florence because we loved the atmosphere, God spoke to us nearly each time we entered the building. The drive just did not make sense. So we just ventured out and decided to try Grace here in Georgetown. We knew very little about it, but wanted to give it a try. We loved it! That's where we are now, but still we feel like we are walking around in circles still trying to find the purpose God placed in us. We don't feel "settled" or "grounded" yet. We are so skeptical about taking "positions' in ministry b/c we've been there and done that. Yet something is sooooo missing! What is that missing piece? I know all of the ministries and license and so on and so on were not in vain at all, but why God? What's the purpose? Just to see if we'd give it all up just like that? So here I sit, beating my head against the wall once again like many times before during this past year. Trying to find the purpose for my life. So Lord, now I stand here completely wide open to what you have for me. Change my desires, to your desires. Make me in your image, change me from the inside out and just let me be a tool for your works! So I have rambled and rambled and I could continue in this rambling. But it's 5:30 AM! I have church this morning and the plan is to go to early church.....YEAH RIGHT! Whatever God, I'm there!!!!!!!!!! :0)